I’ve thought up a new safety measure that drivers can take to stop them killing people all the time. Inspired by the elegantly named ‘Dutch reacharound’ which recommends drivers reach for their door handle with their right hand (The Dutch like much of the world, drive on the wrong side of the road), to force them to twist round in their seat when opening a door. The idea being they’re far more likely to look for cyclists and other drivers passing their vehicle and are therefore less likely to door them, the Samuri fluff is designed to stop drivers ruining everyone else’s life by actually build a bit of care in what they get up to on a daily basis. The Samuri fluff has also been inspired by an idiot in a jeep who almost killed me this morning.
The Samuri fluff is quite simple in it’s approach, I will explain thus. The Samuri fluff can be adopted for people who drive on the correct side of the road and for people who drive on the wrong side of the road merely by switching left for right and vica versa. But enough of that, lets get down to it.
In the UK, when someone is driving up to a T-junction and they are turning right as we see the driver of the red car here doing, in an attempt to save 0.47 seconds, they will spend a lot of their time looking to the left. For reasons I can’t really be arsed working out this seems to be a quite a common theme. Lot of time looking left for a gap in the traffic heading the way they will be heading, followed by a relatively quick glance to the right.
What this ultimately results in is them not really paying very much attention to what’s coming from the right. Like a cyclist or something. Plus, I’d guess without any real effort, that while they’re looking to the left, assuming there is a gap or no traffic at all, they’re already 75%, maybe 80% committed to not actually stopping at all and are pretty much already accelerating. The final check right is a mere tickbox exercise and technically isn’t required at all because traffic heading their way, is all clear ahead. Job done, junction cleared, all that time saved.
Oh, apart from him. Yeah, forgot about him.
NOTE TO CAR DRIVERS! AS WELL AS HURTING OR KILLING A CYCLIST, THIS COULD DELAY YOUR PRECIOUS DAY BY QUITE A BIT. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WAIT AROUND AFTER YOU’VE KILLED OR HURT SOMEONE WHICH ISN’T FAIR I KNOW BUT THAT’S HOW IT WORKS SOMETIMES. ALSO, PAINTWORK.
Yes, killing a cyclist could delay your very important journey a bit. Which is the genius of the Samuri fluff. As well as not destroying lives, this simple rule could actually save you time which is far more important.
Enter the Samuri Fluff
Step 1: As you approach a T junction and are turning right, pretend you are turning left. I know pretending is a childish thing but you generally seem to manage pretending you’re the most important thing on the road so it shouldn’t be too difficult.
Step 2: Look right, first. If something is coming, and that includes a whiney cyclist, you are going to have to stop. Now there’s no point in looking left.
Step 3: Stop
Step 4: Wait for traffic to be clear in both directions.
Step 5: Off you go.
I wrote a poem to help you remember.
When you’re driving in your car you usually really don’t go that far,
So wasting time matters not a chuff,
Look right first it’s the Samuri fluff.